Verse wants to be free...

Ocober 2, 1997

Welcome to My Homepage!

Automatic poetry from uninspired webmasters

If you still think there is information worth finding on the Web, your best tool may be the "refine" button at Alta Vista. From an imposing mass of thousands of documents that match your original search term (e.g., "lezbos"), "Refine" can help you narrow your search to a few select documents, by providing a list of most-frequently-encountered words on the Web (e.g., "mulder", "skully", "cancer", "man", "apu"), which you can exclude or require from your search. These keywords, though, are often more revealing than the documents you're actually searching for. Mass obsessions, disturbingly similar concerns, family details that seem to be shared by many, many families, all reveal themselves in these lists. Below, a vers libre work constructed from "refine" results for one of the web's most frequently uttered phrases: "Welcome to My Homepage!" (raw results: Alta Vista = 4933 matches, Infoseek = 6,487 matches; HotBot, which seems not to have understood the question = 38,047 matches). In the spirit of Tristan Tzara's automatic writing technique, we have left the results in the order in which they were received, merely inserting line breaks and punctuation for poetic effect, and adding a single word at the end for closure.

Ignominious Toaster A poem by the collective unconscious homepage homepages links page you want, like pages know. favorite hello, enjoy! here? hope. click soon. stay, coming. myself friends? guestbook irc. fun? sign, introduce mirc. nickname = "cool stuff." lots. hey! neat! funny! jokes! joke? HELL Hobbies playing interests, Lot listening. Play, band! Played favourite. hobby = collecting Relax, friend! mine = wonderful enjoyed picture. someday ... quotes "Studying beautiful." "Besides?" "Mainly talking." "Unfortunately, bachelor." "Programming? Interesting, actually." wars "Okay, Trek..." "Admit!" "Star." Check! Find out! Drop usenet. best addresses. Visitor, thanks. viewed netscape. Look, explorer! Navigator, download. Created... Majoring attended minoring. Attending senior hopefully. "Guess anyway." "Huh?" "Getting pretty?" "Yeah, wanna... " "damn!" Visit, settimeout. places var. write - else seedlet, document. Nice, interested. Got especially seen. "Really, some things have aren-" Brother love dad, sister, mom, college. Brothers smile. Sisters spend. Games Lately spending... exciting... ................................................ finally............................ doom Decided, lived, born, married... Wife didn... Moved husband... Shantih

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Previously in simpleton:

Wednesday: Lobotomy's back: And not a minute too soon!
Tuesday: The Whole Disgusting Scramble: When is a country not a country?
Monday: The Horror: Five good reasons to stay Out of Africa.
Friday: The Best of Simpleton: a century of excellence

A century of simpletons in the simpleton archive.

Tomorrow:

Sesame Street Tabloid! Muppets go noir.