April 15 Subject: Re: You're too cool! Dear Georgiana, Keep it under your hat, but Tiger Woods and I may be getting together for a cameo appearance on an upcoming episode of Family Matters. How's that for an Odd Couple? I'm trying to do some informal fan-polling to find out how y'all would react to me doing a little more TV work, so let me know what you think. But keep it on the qt, babe, cause it's still a tentative deal and we don't want to jinx it. But what's this book-burning business? Don PS: Catch me this week on the cover of Time! Howard Who?

April 16 Subject: Re: You're too cool! Don, Would love to see more of you :) --on TV. Just let me know when and where and I'll be watching. Take care. Lady Georgiana Dalrymple

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May 3 Subject: Imus Rules!!!! Keep going you are great.. but stay off TV - unless you are going to give up gum! Sincerely, Spit D. Winkle * *Not his real name.

June 1 Subject: Re: Imus Rules!!!! Dear Spit, Actually, keep this strictly between you, me and the walls, but a certain radio favorite of yours may be in talks to replace that mushmouth David Duchovny as host of Red Shoe Diaries. That's strictly off the record, bub. Don

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September 24 Subject: Marv Albert Enough already with this.. but saw Tom Brokaw's show yesterday and heard the comments about Albert's trial and how with the testimony of the taxi driver, the jury was "left with a bad taste in it's mouth" about the plaintiff. My dear spouse made the comment that "that's not half as bad as the taste in the plaintiff's mouth!" Yo, as they say here in Philadelphia, break a leg! John Q Dingleberry * *Not his real name.

September 27 Dear John, Too bad the trial ended when it did. We didn't get a chance to find out if Marv really has three rows of teeth. Maybe there'll be a civil trial. Don

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September 26 Subject: Re: Imus rules!!!! I have been waiting patiently to hear more about Red Shoe Diaries and your cameo appearance there. I guess I'll have to leak it to the press... I am trying to envision your role. What was it Bernard said today.. something about a lizard in the desert. Spit D. Winkle

From:webmaster@simpleton.com To:Spit D. Winkle Thanks for your interest in the Imus show. This is no longer the address for Don Imus. To find out more about getting in touch with Imus and friends, listen to Imus every day.

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Subject: Simpletons unite! we simpletons have been maligned for too many years! who else would accept the behavior of our fellow man as being "just different than me" we need to unite, drink masses of alcoholic beverages. have sex with barn animals, go on Sally Jesse Winfrey or whatever her name is, and put our lives in perspective! Then go back to our hobbies as domesticated sheep.Baaahhhhh! If you understand any of what I'm relating please mail back and explain it to me, being a simpleton, I tend to ramble on like a mental savant! NARF! Yours, AJmsco@aol.com

Dear AJmsco I think I know what you mean. It's hard to find people you share interests with when you first move to a new city. Sex with barn animals is always an icebreaker! But it might be easier just to listen to the Imus show. tim