Errataca

November 21, 1997
New ones Monday through Friday

Retractions

Formerly true stuff

The best part of reporting the news is that you get to write corrections. This week we were fortunate enough to have two stories that started out true, but later became false. Best of all, the true stories were bad news, so it was good news when they became false. Let's be happy that: We're no longer planning to attack Iraq: When simpleton's Monday issue hit the newsstands, violent confrontation in the Persian Gulf seemed a near-certainty. Since then, our two nations have at least temporarily been able to head off their diplomatic impasse, and shooting big rockets at Iraqis is, for the time being at least, not in the cards. We regret any convenience our story may have caused the people of Iraq. Suck is no longer dead: While our story on the end of the daily column was accurate at the time of publication, the poison pill option has apparently been reconsidered since then. We stand by the opinions expressed in our column, just not the facts. If you wish to learn more, read Suck this week. Hell, read Suck every day. We regret any discomfort our story caused to people who read it. So while simpletons are supposed to rush in, we've decided to pass on civic journalism for a while. However, if you believe you have been sexually harassed by the President, email us now. We can help. Back to the beginning of today's issue. Previously in simpleton: Thursday: Win Free Sex! A simpleton contest Wednesday: Reader mail: Volume 7 Tuesday: Alone with my email: Memory lane needs widening Monday: Showdown in the Gulf: The insult that made a bully out of Bill Friday: The Putz Report: Inaccurate infotainment Thursday: For or Against? A simpleton reader poll A century of simpletons in the simpleton archive. Monday: A Thanksgiving Nosegay