D E C E M B E R  1 2,   1 9 9 7  NOW THAT WE'VE seen the best minds of our generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, the question is whether Mohamamedan Angels staggering on tenement roofs will be illuminated. An article in this week's Movieline states that those who were expelled from academies for crazy are publishing obscene odes on the windows of the skull. But in a reversal of its usual style of waking nightmares, alcohol and cock and endless balls, the magazine suggests we should be listening to the crack of doom on the hydrogen jukebox. Ever since the Chinaman of Oklahoma jumped in a limousine on the impulse of winter midnight street light smalltown rain, experts have been warning us that the people who distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union Square weeping were also undressing while the siren of Los Alamos wailed them down, and wailed down the wall. An article in this Sunday's New York Times Magazine takes this argument one step further, specifying that the Staten Island Ferry also wailed. For those who howled on their knees in the subway and were dragged off the roof waving genitals and manuscripts, the implications are especially suicidal. Those who balled in the morning and the evenings in rose gardens and the grass of public parks and cemeteries scattering their semen freely to whomever come who may, for example, may also lose their loveboys to the three old shrews of fate and the one eyed shrew of the heterosexual dollar and the one eyed shrew that winks out of the womb. Nor are these worries unfounded. In a recent Washington Post OpEd piece, Plotinus Poe St John of the Cross speculated that Adonis of Denver went out whoring in stolen night-cars and was red eyed in the morning, after sweetening the snatches of a million girls trembling in the sunset. Which begs the question - what sphinx of cement and alluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination? All available evidence says that the culprit here is Moloch the incomprehensible prison (though, in a crossbone soulless irony, there is also the possibility that Moloch whose mind is pure machinery may also have a hand in the cannibal dynamo). For generations who broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven, this probably comes as unwelcome news. In the current issue of The New Republic, robot apartments, invisible suburbs, skeleton treasuries, blind capitals demonic nations, invincible mad houses and granite cocks all come to monstrous light. The only good news in all of this may be for Carl Solomon, since I'll be with him in Rockland when he's madder than I am (albeit with accusations of plotting the Hebrew socialist revolution against the fascist national Golgotha). As twenty-five-thousand mad comrades all come together singing the final stanzas of the Internationale, the most effective protest may be simply to walk dripping from a sea-journey on the highway across America in tears to the door of my cottage in the Western night. (Y. U!) Catholics have always believed a lot of pretty zany hocus pocus. See for yourself at the original Summa Theologia of Saint Thomas Aquinas. Studies include wacky speculations on the corporeality of angels, the transmigration of souls and the indestructibility of sin in spite of Christ's grace (that may have something to do with free will). As the Spirituality trend kicks in, the hard-headed Aquinas provides an antidote to soft-headed angelmania. If you liked the parody, you'll love the original. TheFeedbag features original stories, intelligent discussion, unstolen graphics, real interactivity and swell writing. Read the real Feed and learn to win friends, influence people, and sound intelligent by imitating the house style. I've tried this method, and it really works!

K I L T E R  The Healing Power of TV Guide America's Real Lifestyle magazine. D I A T R I B E   Long Crapper or Slow Death? Join us for one of many group gropes on the future of the future, with I.M. Smart, Mr. Moneybags, Tippy Canoe, Cheapo Adive, Chester the Molester, Ms. Fairy Godmother, and pundits to be named later. 12.11.97 F E E B  D A I L Y  How Citizens Get Made 12.10.97 F E E B  D A I L Y  Chattering classes 12.09.97 F E E B  D A I L Y  The Simpleton: Total Enlightenment 12.08.97 F E E B  D A I L Y  Is Meat Murder 12.05.97 F E E B  D A I L Y  All Romance 12.04.97 F E E B  D A I L Y  Rondo Alla Turca 10.03.97 F E E B L E   Muppets Go Noir Wallace D. Fard does America's hippest writer. 11.18.97 F E E B L E R   Dispatches From Dorks You Used to Know Dave Pellicane wanes nostalgic. 10.20.97 F O O T S O R E   Missed Opportunities For centuries, people have been fucking up. Here are some examples. 10.13.97 F E E B L E S T   One Night In Calcutta Anti-traveller recalls the horrors of the subcontinent. 10.20.97 F E L C H E R  We've Gotta Have It Buzz Brinkley on boob-in-icecube advertising. 10.27.97 E N F E E B L E D   Time Keeps on Slippin' Professer Stephen Hawking joins us for a temporal discussion. 11.21.97 F E E B L E S S   Get Back in the Closet Cyril Nignew on the Web's newest kiddie porn. 11.14.97 T H E  S N O O P   The Snoop Corresponent Jack Putz has issued all new corrections. You can find out more in "The Snoop, " or you can give us backtalk in the "Rink ee Dink" discussion. 10.01.97 D  O C U D R A M A    Taking Your Pulse Sixty-five years ago, The Simpleton foretold the fall of empires. Are we living up to his vision? Say what you think, in a special FEEB Reader Poll, brought to you by McDonalds, featuring Whatdoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Sawhimbefore, and Theguywiththenosehair. October 29 marks the official publication date for Outerbridge Crossing: How Life in Staten Island and Perth Amboy is Largely Unchanged -- a new book by FEEB's Yon Yonson. For months we've been promising to have a special feature with excerpts from the book on the site in a few days. We're sorry, but until then, you can send remarks about the book to simpleton.com. We're pleased to announce that Mr. Donut will be sponsoring an extended series at FEEB, revisiting some delectable glazing varieties, and exposing the true agenda of the Dunkin Donuts Guy. Regular FEEB readers will want to bookmark our new low-bandwidth alternative homepage featuring the FEEB Daily and links to recent articles. Bet you can't wait to read a press release. Want to know more about the wonderful person who brought you FEEB? Our Reader Response section helps yank the online circle jerk, and the Contributors Notes of a better web magazine may or may not provide more information. If you don't like what you see here, you might want to complain about it, you big crybaby.