[simpleton]

A gamble

January 5, 1998
New Ones Monday through Friday

Theme Casinos

For family-friendly fun


From New York City to the Wild West, gambling casinos have been taking you and your family to some exotic locales in recent years. But you ain't seen nothin' yet. Set your imagination free as we explore a few of the theme casinos that will be opening in 1998. Luck be a Lady!


John Ascuaga's Emirate will whisk you to the volatile and exciting Gulf region. The sights and sounds of the perfumed east will come to life, with authentic customes and new advances in non-alcoholic beverage technology.

[john ascuaga's 
emirate]


Come to the Caberet, Old Chum! At Merv Griffin's Weimar, you'll experience the giddy last days of between-the-wars decadence. Trip the light fantastic with degenerate artists, drag entertainers and libertines of all stripes.

[merv griffin's weimar]


You've seen the harsh life of the poor on television. Now bring it all home at Bally's The Street, where homeless potpourri and animatronic figures create the look and feel of the grittiest inner cities.

[bally's the street]


George Lucas' Deathstar Hotel and Casino brings the world's favorite franchise to the casino floor. Enjoy music from the Cantina Band, the all-Ewok floor show and Chewbacca's Bongo Room. May the force be with you!

[lucasfilm's death star hotel and casino]


Tired of having to waste time gambling in order to give away your money? Get right down to business, with the regular service and clever decor of Trump's DMV. When the joke's on you, you might as well laugh!

[the trump dmv]


The most clever theme of the year will be the Mashantucket-Pequot Nation's Foxwoods, which features glorious Americana and red-hot gaming tables, served up by authentic-style Native Americans.

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Previously in simpleton:



Friday: Give Us Free: How much would you pay for Slate?
Thursday: Down with the New Year!
Wednesday: The Last Independent Joke has been co-opted
Tuesday: 1997 year-end clearance
Monday: A Poem in honor of a poet
Friday: Ghost Writing from the Calzone bookshelf


A century of simpletons in the simpleton archive.


Tomorrow:

A history lesson