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February 4, 1998
New ones Monday through Friday

Reader mail:

Volume 16

December 11: How to Become an American

Dear simpleton, To whom ever it may concern. I visited your web site looking for subjects on tropical diseases. I found your site to be totally lacking in any serious information on this subject, but I decided to examine your site. AND WHAT DID I FIND?? A site entitled "How to become an American." This very notion made me feel sick to my stomach. I was so repulsed by this idea that I just had to look and see what possible justification you gave to become a citizen of the most repugnant country on the face of the planet. (America is on a par with France and Iraq.) Upon opening the offending site I was horrified to read the first two paragraphs. Never before had I been so offended. The comment, "In the future, we believe that all people will be Americans..." That very thought sickens and chills me to my very core. The world has enough problems as it is without the entire species degenerating into Americans. What Americans seem to be unaware of is the fact that the world does not revolve around America. Far from it, America is seen as somewhat of a joke by the International Community. So please stop polluting the Internet with this kind of filth. Never will the world be subjected to the mind numbing "American Way of Life", and watch your backs, for when the nukes begin to fall, they won't be Russian, Chinese or Iraqi, for the flag on those missiles will be the UNION JACK. Long may the cities of American burn with the fire of nuclear cleansing and its peoples die of Radiation. I offer a toast to the downfall of the DISEASE AMERICA. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. Matthew White Your genetic superior, Citizen of GREAT BRITAIN. _________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com

Dear simpleton, I was innocently browsing the web looking up the topic of Tropical Diseases. I was pleased to find information on this subject matter and finished reading your reports. However when I asked my search engine to look for deseases, I was blissfully unaware that it had in fact found the worst disease possible until I delved in to your archives. This disease, this filthy, rancid, stinking, self-opinoinated, idiotic, pathetic disease I refer to is the very one that festers in your veins, I am talking about AMERICANISM. Do you really think that in the future all the world will be A******n. The fact that you even dare to think this makes me physically sick!. What kind of person would want to associate themselves with a race so un-paralled in indiocy, crime , corruption, pollution and centementality. Where is you cinsism, your hate. I know where mine is and it's pointing at you!. Granted America has vast resources, loads a money, quite nice scenery, but you have become some overrun, diluted by your acheivements that you have de-evolved. America is like a child who does not known when to stop, well it's time to grow up and discard your simple values and tear down you Mcdonalds, your wendy's, pizza hut(I could be here for years writing the names of fast food joints alone!) and embrace what little herritage you have. I do not mean become like Russia(backwards and on the road to ruin) although you are close I mean realise that you are not the only country in the world. There are better ones by far. Countries with a longer, prouder and nobler history than America could ever hope for! I shall leave you now to think on this letter. If you disagree with my comments because of how they are phrased then you are beyond salvation. If you disagree with my comments because of what they suggest then you are exactly the kind of person I am talking about. If you agree then there is hope for you yet. I hasten to add I am in NO WAY whatsoever in the slightest, religious(If you are then forget the rest of the letter as you are already screwed and there is no GOD no divine being when you die at English hands you shall not go to heaven you will rot in the ground with what remains of your futile beliefs). My letter is borne out of hatred for all that the so called America stands for. You can change it's up to you and remember you could always come to the superior land, the greatest land, ENGLAND(albeit as a servant and second rate boot licker). ENGLAND is the greatest country in the world and until the world unites I shall hate America(and even then we will be HUMAN you fool, and I shall be emailing aliens on your behalf!) but that is a long way off so GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! yours Maliciously Christopher Terence Kelly Countryman of ENGLAND and all she stands for P.S. keep your Jay Leno(the ugliest American) alive,David letterman(the unfunniest man alive),Friends(the unfunniest group of tossers alive), basketball(the saddest sport alive, apart from American Football, Baseball and other wank twat arse pastimes, and F and UCK OFF. _________________________________________________________ DO YOU YAHOO!? Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com

The Adventures of Chris and Matthew Next day... Later... Two days later... To be continued...

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