England's daydreaming

February 9, 1998
New ones Monday through Friday

Further Adventures

Chris K and Deathbeast TM take on the Elite Republican Guard

In Wednesday's edition of Reader Mail, we were proud to offer the first part of the adventures of "Chris_k2" and "Deathbeast", two devoted simpletonians and putative British subjects. "Chris_k2" and "Deathbeast" were so happy with their portrayal that they sent in some enthusiastic repsonses, such as: You have in fact declared yourself as the simple minded imbicile that I took you for. I clearly stated that an immature response to this letter would mean that any attempt of an articulate objective letter was lost on such as you. and: I believe that before the year 2010 your Large but utterly worthless country will have been wiped from the face of our planet in a furious firestorm of thermonuclear weapons and my only wish is to be the one that pushes the button. Although this is not likely as I am not a senior member of the British Cabinet I would dearly like to nuke you all back into the stone age. and even: SOD OFF YOU PRIMITIVE YANK WANKER , YOU SUK COK AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES AND URINE, WHICH YOU DRINK. Best of all, "Chris_k2" and "Deathbeast" were joined by their friend Terry Clarke, who had this to say: The americans are the retarded ones, killers of nations, stealers of peoples' ancestoral lands. Now you may be thinking, who is this twat of a brit? well you'd be wrong, I'm an IRISH man, just like you're ancestors WERE, not anymore though they left because they couldn't take it, Irish-american? f**k off you're all traitors. Now I don't really like the english and what reason do I have to? but they're a hell of alot better than you redneck motherf**kers. More intriguing than these forays into American history and simpleton's genealogy were some comments on current events the boys dropped into their communiques: Although I agree with your policies on Iraq... and Yours with utter contempt for everything you stand for (Excepting of course the annihilation of Saddam). How comforting in these difficult times to know that two nations can come together to address issues of global importance. Please join us as we proudly present: Wankers of Arabia Today's Episode: Desert Dolts Last week's episode concluded with Chris_k2 and Deathbeast heading to the US for treatment of their rare, self-inflicted tropical illness. We pick up the story soon thereafter... Centers for Disease Control 1400 Hours Meanwhile, back in Hibernia, Chris and Deathbeast's friend Terry Clarke is concerned about his friends' journey to the heart of the hated American empire... Three weeks later, over the Iraqi desert.... Twenty minutes later... Tune in Thursday for the next action-packed episode of Wankers of Arabia

Appeal for Chris_k2 and Deathbeast to be released. Previously in simpleton: Friday: Future Visions: A conversation with futurist Fugsby Finkell Thursday: Deferential Equation: Ass kissing in a skeptical age Wednesday: Reader mail: Volume 16 Tuesday: It's all about Inertia! A self-help guide Monday: Pipe Dreams: Taking the pulse of your own delusions Friday: Disks of Food: A family restaurant for the nineties! A century of simpletons in the simpleton archive. Tomorrow: No sympathy