DAY 1

Dear Subscriber,

Although you have quite a bit of time left on your subscription to simpleton, we would like to take the time now to thank you for your faith in us and in our publication. Your support means a great deal to us.

In fact, we'd like to express our gratitude in a more tangible way ... by saving you some money and ensuring that your subscription continues uninterrupted far into the future.

If you renew your subscription right now, we will be spared the expense of sending you more reminders. We can then pass the savings on to you with super-low rates. But we can only do this if you act now.

I hope you'll take advantage of this opportunity, and act now for special subscription rates.

Thanks again for your kind support. We hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

H. Peabody Briggs

CEO, Calzone Inc.

DAY 3

Dear Subscriber,

Sure, simpleton is about as welcome as rat poison to the toadies of the Far Right.

But for your friends, a gift of simpleton will come as a welcome, happy holiday surprise: a taut, lean, hard-hitting antidote to the major media's softball journalism.

Choose simpleton for holiday gifts and we'll give you our special low subscriber-only gift rate.

Your gift will be a joyful surprise for friends and family. We'll be glad to bill you later.

Happy Holidays,

H. Peabody Briggs

CEO, Calzone Inc.

DAY 8

Dear almost-expired simpleton subscriber,

Come on ...

You really don't want to be without the bright, brash and otherwise compelling journalism of today's most talked-about magazine! It just doesn't make sense when it's so easy to stay simple - with the magazine that demystifies, change, business and culture.

If you reply now, we'll guarantee you uninterrupted service. We'll also guarantee you the following:

1. The very best current subscriber savings for you whereby you continue to save big and keep on saving.

2. The convenience of desktop delivery every day, right to your screen, fresh, hot and ready to read.

3. No need to write a check now. Just send in your reply and we'll bill you later.

4. A guarantee into the future. We'll guarantee every day's issue gets delivered to your browser, and refund your money whenever simpleton isn't delivered. All of it. No questions asked. Period.

Sincerely,

H. Peabody Briggs

CEO, Calzone Inc.

DAY 16

Dear subscriber,

We have no idea what's holding you back from responding to our notices about your subscription expiring. But it's very important that we hear from you quickly.

So here are three exercises we hope will inspire you to immediate action:

1. Please look at all the issues of simpleton you have available. How can you bear to do without it??

2. Please look at the date of the very first issue of simpleton. That's almost six months of continuous publication, without a penny earned on our part. Now look at your calendar, and figure out when our six month anniversary will be. Close, isn't it?

3. Please consider our low, low renewal rates. Fix your eyes on those figures that show how little you pay and how much you save with your very SPECIAL RATES. How can you afford NOT to seize the opportunity?

There's no need to pay now. Just reply and we can bill you later. Tell us we can still count you among our valued readers.

Before it's too late.

Sincerely,

H. Peabody Briggs

For simpleton

DAY 28

URGENT,

WE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO TERMINATE DELIVERY DUE TO LACK OF RENEWAL INSTRUCTIONS.

UNLESS YOU REACTIVATE YOUR ACCOUNT YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE THE UPCOMING CARTOONS, PRANKS, PARODIES AND HARD-HITTING JOURNALISM THAT MAKE SIMPLETON AN INDISPENSABLE PART OF YOUR DAY.

IF YOU ACT NOW YOU CAN REACTIVATE YOUR ACOUNT AT A SUPER LOW, LOW PRICE.

PLEASE REPLY TODAY

DAY 31

Dear former simpleton subscriber,

God has decided to call me home at the end of our six months.

Unless you contribute now, The Lord has promised that my life here on earth will end at the end of simpleton's six month publication period.

Friends, I will not beg for my life. The Lord has revealed himself to me, and I accept his judgment. Blessed be the name of The Lord.

But there is still time to save me, save simpleton, and save yourselves. Just reply now, and I can continue to live here on earth, and deliver you the kind of simpleton that acts as a moral bulwark against the forces of sin and licentiousness.

Friends, I ask you humbly as a brother. Do the work of The Lord. Keep simpleton alive.

Sincerely,

H. Peabody Briggs

Pastor

DAY 48

Dear former simpleton subscriber,

Your name has been dropped from The Book of active subscribers and we can not send you another issue, because we never heard a response about your subscription.

However, there is still time to once again receive the only magazine whose stated mission is to put the F.U. in FUN. As you know, the world is changing at a dizzying pace. Won't you rejoin simpleton, and face the future with a friend you can trust?

Sincerely,

H. Peabody Briggs

Mail boy, simpleton.com