Connoisseurs of irony may have been nonplussed (or delighted -- it's hard to tell) by the appearance of sarcasm doyenne Janeane Garofalo on Regis and Kathie Lee Thursday morning. Seeing as how Garofalo has built her entire career to date on deflating peppy people, hiring her as Kathie Lee's replacement for a day has to qualify as some sort of programming masterstroke.

Becoming the new home-and-hearth queen would make a lot of sense for Janeane Garofalo, and for America as well. Why should Kathie Lee Gifford, with her bathetic, mawkish anecdotes and hideously sugary, vain style have a monopoly on the homemaker dollar? And why should good, honest American irony, the republic's best protection against the Cringe, be limited to monotonal lowlifes in black t-shirts? What we need here is a golden mean.

Regis positively caramelized Janeane Garofalo, and her bitter, neurotic put-downs were transmuted to a far less loaded, threatened style. Hey, Janeane! What's the big deal if you're not hot? Lighten up! Let's chat with David Alan Grier.

Most of Janeane Garofalo's movies involve running a lot of stupid or goofy people up against her, and letting her dispatch the with sardonic putdowns of one sort or another. Her official role is The Girl Nobody Asks Out, so we are to assume that this bad attitude is a defense, and even sympathize with her. But her career has fizzled for the simple reason that Janeane Garofalo just comes across as mean and nasty, and her "matronly upper arms" as she calls them, just aren't a good enough excuse for her being such a bitch.

Kathie Lee, on the other hand, has made a career of being nicer than thou -- a better mom, more decent, more committed to her marriage to robotic sportscaster Frank Gifford. Howard Stern found one of his richest veins of support when he starting attacking her on the air. Even people who loathed him soaked up his withering assaults on Kathie Lee, any stick apparently being good enough to beat this Stepford Wife with.

Kathie Lee and Janeane Garofalo are, in other words, alternate models of the same person. Neither is very popular at the moment, and the idea of a Garofalo who can smile without smirking or a Kathie Lee who can drop her petticoasts is a vast improvement on either. Regis, for his part, is already far more subtle: while David Alan Grier and Garofalo exchanged the usual telethonese ("I am so humbled by your sincerity," etc.) Regis remained detached but warm, playing alone without seeming neurotically slick. Regis has the same gift that Johnny Carson, Mike Douglas, and other talk-show survivors have, of seeming smart without being smug, interested without being a sap. It's a fine line, and one wasted on the younger generation, who wield their irony like police batons. When David Alan Grier pretended to be hurt by Regis' snubbing of him at Elaine's Regis appeared genuinely concerned. Grier and Garafalo jumped all over, in a "busted!" spirit, with Regis exclaiming "everybody's just kidding, and I'm falling for it!" Later, in a cooking segment, Garofalo openly mocked the applauding audience, clapping her hands together and croaking "yayyy-y-y-y!" Does she imagine Regis has some quivering jones to learn more about satay pasta? [More important, how is it that the Janeane Worship Page has been featured on CNN's Headline News while simpleton is ignored? - ed.]

Still, Garafolo wasn't able to achieve escape velocity very often. Regis' fundamental decency and mental health was contagious, and suggested a better future than is commonly suggested for our culture. There is no reason why "family values" and a culture which doesn't make you cringe should be exclusive. You shouldn't have to go to Springfield to find it. A little Garafolo goes a long way.