April 3, 1998
New ones Monday through Friday

Encore! Encore!

Due to overwhelming demand - including a rave review by Joel Siegel of ABC-TV - we are giving a special extended run to our flooding elevator adventure. We are also proud to announce our special feature in today's Suck. All the wit, wisdom and hair's-breadth adventure you've come to expect from simpleton, and with professional drawings! Read it all, click through every page, let us know what you think. We'll be back Monday with an in-depth reporting!

Encore! Encore!

An Upper East Side Yuppie Adventure:
Just like in the movies!

A terrified Upper East Side woman felt like she was in "Titanic" - trapped in an elevator filling with water, from a busted main, that reached her chin as her 17-pound dog squirmed on her head.

- New York Post, April 1, 1998

[like titanic]

When she saw "Titanic" in December, Suzana Piamenta had no idea that within a few months she would be surrounded by frigid, swirling water as she screamed for life and held her yapping dog above her head. And just as in the movie, she said, there were no lifeboats around.

- New York Times April 1, 1998

[like titanic]

In a death-defying escape straight out of the blockbuster film "Titanic," a terrified woman and her dog were rescued yesterday from a stuck elevator fast filling with ice-cold water in the basement of a Manhattan high-rise.

- New York Daily News, April 1, 1998

[like titanic]

Her screams were finally heard by her husband, who sensed something was wrong because his phone and hot water weren't working - and his wife hadn't returned to their 18th-floor apartment. He raced down 18 flights of stairs and into the basement, where the water had risen more than 5 feet.

"She was screaming like she was about to die," said Jack Piamenta, a former paratrooper in the Israeli army, "and my dog was scratching the door like crazy."

- New York Post

[like titanic]

"I started banging on the elevator door the moment it fell," she said. "I was pressing 18 to see if it would go up and my dog was scratching at the door. Then I saw water creeping in and I started to panic."

Chloe did, too, and as soon as the cold water hit her paws, the dog scrambled into Mrs. Piamenta's arms. She was busy pushing the elevator's alarm button and screaming.

"The next thing I knew, the water was up to my waist and Chloe was scratching all over me, trying to climb up," she said. "I thought I was going to die. The water was cold and everything was getting dark."

About this time, Mrs. Piamenta's husband, Jacky, was heading off to work at their store, New York City Bagels, on Second Avenue near 64th Street. He heard the insistent ringing of the elevator bell, then recognized his wife's voice screaming for help and Chloe's distinctive bark.

"It was a very special bark, protective like an alarm, and my wife was really screaming," he said. "I thought she had been attacked by the East Side rapist."

When he reached the first floor and flung open the door to the basement, Piamenta, 36, was confronted by a room full of dirty water and no way to save his wife. He ran out to get the help of a construction crew across the street.

By then, the superintendent had opened the doors to the elevator shaft on the first floor. He and the workers jumped onto the roof and broke open the top of the elevator with crowbars, finding Mrs. Piamenta with water up to her neck and climbing, and holding a panicky Chloe well above her head.

"They pulled the dog out by his leash and then grabbed my wife," said Piamenta, whose wife is 5 feet 8 inches tall. "A few seconds later, they would have been dead."

Mrs. Piamenta was taken to Lenox Hill Hospital, where doctors gave her a tetanus shot and took X-rays before releasing her.

- New York Times

[like titanic]

[like titanic]

The End

Flood us with responses

Previously in simpleton:

Wednesday: Reader Mail: Volume 22
Tuesday: Parasightings: A public health announcement
Monday: It's All About Pep! A little Garofalo goes a long way
Friday: Proposition 650 The right choice for real change!
Thursday: New Shining Paths in advertising
Wednesday: Reader Mail: Volume 21

A century of simpletons in the simpleton archive.

[wankers of arabia]
Wankers of Arabia


All new surprises!