simpleton

simpleton undead

Why die on Good Friday if you're not going to be resurrected? What's the point of building up a stable microreadership if you're just going to disappoint them by going belly up? For the eleven or twelve readers who have not tuned out already, simpleton's death has been postponed indefinitely.

Whether our service will be

...only time will tell. But we'll still be fighting the good fight to continue a tradition of excellence that has made the Web famous since 1932.

For the record, simpleton is not reborn. It is not rejuvenated. It is merely undead, so enjoy it while it's still mouldering.

So where does our new revenant status leave our special funeral issue? Wallowing in self-reference can be pretty tiresome for the reader. But it's highly amusing for the writer, and after putting the issue together it's impossible to pass up the chance to make a Tom and Huck-style appearance at simpleton's obsequies.

In addition, we're frankly tickled pink by all the encomiums flooding in, including this one from Grand Marnier kingpin Gilles Coury:

It is with great sadness that I witness the end of one of the last free "pirate" of the Internet. At Grand Marnier, we will all miss you for your true spoken words. Que Dieu vous garde et vive la mort !!!

Gilles Coury
Internet and Multimedia Director
Grand Marnier Liqueur http://www.grand-marnier.com

[gilles]

So without further ado, here's the special three-page funeral edition, with illustrations, that we had planned while still dead:

Last Rites

It's fitting that simpleton's keynote requiem be delivered by a man whose place in the history of simpleton was a quiet but essential one, Mr. Anthony Floreno:

Wow, dude. This hit hard when I read it on Tuesday. No more Simpleton, eh? As one of the first readers to get those annoying daily emails to read Simpleton as you tried to build readership, it's hard letting go. I have to admit, I checked the site every day this week, ready for you to say "Just kidding!"

I think I echo the sentiments of most other Simpleton readers when I say that it had become a morning ritual. Get my coffee, fire up the box and see what Tim has to say about drunkeness, advertising, youth discipline or India. It's gonna be hard to adjust to life without Simp, but I guess like all great things, it's better to have one 150-watt moment than a lifetime of soft-white.

Rest assured that your witty observations and tirades will live on in the hearts and minds of men.

Tony
Satisfied Reader #4

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I was once lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see."

And so with Tony's words resonating across the ether, we lay Calzone President and CEO H. Peabody Briggs III into his funeral barge:

[a nation mourns]

Next Page:
A Voodoo Funeral

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Now go on to our next page:
A Voodoo Funeral

http://www.simpleton.com