Tim, April Fool's was last week. Tell me you've got a defective cat calendar, or are just wanting to see what it would be like to attend your own funeral.

Gah! No!

If it's really gone, I'm guessing it's because people were throwing money at you to write for their pubs. It's fool's gold, man. Been there, done that, now repenting at leisure. Yeah, we all need the eggs, but keep a hand on your original henhouse. Do it weekly, or monthly, or quarterly. (Yearly doesn't cut it, sorry.)

Of course, it's possible you've had something awful come to pass in which case scratch all of the above.

Unswervingly yours,

Pratt
ersatz@echonyc.com
The Finger

are you serious?

I mean... Are you really stopping simpleton or is it a joke? (By the way , April fool's day is not the 6...) :-( if it's true... Baudouin

Baudouin Van Humbeeck
B.Vanhumbeeck@tvd.be

Great Issue. I loved it. What a farce. I can't wait to see tomorrow's.

A Big Fan.

Bruce Keilin
brucek@reef.com

I can only hope that Simpleton's death is as short lived as Suck's was..

Mike Meyers
mmeyers@du.edu

George Bailey's in trouble!

There seems to be a problem with your page. I keep getting the "front porch" message telling me that simpleton's dead. It's a cute enough attention getter, but I can't find the link to submit my credit-card information and subscribe.

I was hoping that the news means that you've landed your dream job and thus have no more time for simp, though I thought that you'd have mentioned as much in your farewell message if that were the case. But I thought I'd check first, before we mount an It's-a-Wonderful-Life-type effort to keep you afloat.

Of course, if you're simply suspending publication for the usual friends-family-work-sleep-type reasons, it would be unfair to ask you to continue to slave for free to satisfy my selfish need for entertainment.

Please continue to slave for free to satisfy my selfish need for entertainment.

JP
jpon@interport.net

Oh, say it ain't so. Did you fall behind on your payments to Calzone? Or is this just a cruel, cruel belated April Fool's joke?

We'll miss you, Tim. And your nastly little dog, Toto, too. See you on the dark side of the moon....

Thomas J. Newlin
tnewlin@accmail.umd.edu

I leave for three days and come back to something about condolences and, and, a Viking Funeral? What the heck's going on here? Don't tell me you're leaving. Are you leaving? You can't. Where are you going?

And now, a re-enactment of little Ricky Shroeder...

Champ? Wake up Champ. Champ, wake up.. (sniff, sniff) Champ c'mon wake up! (Sob) Champ, wake up wake up wake up........

Valerie Wilcox
vwilcox@hvi.net

Hi Tim. If this is actually just a belated April Fools joke or something, and you're actually planning on sticking around, just delete this note with my best wishes.

If simpleton is really for the high jump, though... Oeuf.

A few weeks ago, you wrote a piece that took the piss out of journalists eager to attach earth-shaking significance to trivial anecdotes. I think you were right; trendspotting makes for great Time covers but, like, who needs Time anyway?

Still, after today's news, I'm convinced that the sky *is* falling. Every day, another broadcast or print outfit launches a web presence, eager to tap new revenue streams by shoveling its tepid content online. Every day, another big-budget, Mining-Company-style collection of annotated bookmarks finds it way online. Every day, we get another way to shop for products that any arsehole could find at Wal-Mart.

Meanwhile, Word is dead. simpleton is dead. Nobody would be surprised to see Suck go for the high jump. Everything I care about on the web -- beautifully-written, clever, where-the-hell-did-that-come-from stuff -- is dead or endangered. Why doesn't anybody care?

Maybe you got a full-time job. Maybe you're tired; God knows I would be.

Maudlin as it sounds, though, the net *needs* sites like simpleton. I hope you know just how good yours was. And how important it was.

Thanks for sticking it out as long as you did. I'll look for you at Suck and Feed.

Cheers,

Bret Dawson
bretd@interlog.com
shovel-boy for the Canadian Broadcasting Corp.

You know what this is going to be like? It'll be like when Diana died and everyone was suprised how much she really meant to them. We'll all be really sad and then a couple of months from now we'll see Wanker's of Arabia action figures in toy stores (or at least available somewhere on Pier 39). They'll be bought up faster than a special release of Beenie Babies and we'll all be screaming for more. Then you'll finally feel all the love and appreciation you deserve for devoting your creative (did I say Enormous?) talents to this wild and wacky child. Hopefully, that will be enough motivation for you to resurrect simpleton. Regardless, thanks for ALOT of fun.

Bamford
bamford@wecker.com

After a tribute like that, wouldn't it be bad form to resurrect simpleton, as if our entire death and interment had been just some Persian Rug going outta business swindle?

And once the black magic of the Loas had reanimated the corpse, what terrible form would simpleton take ?

No, though we're not above a self-serving farewell in the Seinfeld manner, simpleton's death is a real one. The pulse has stopped, the EKG is flat, all life functions have stopped. He's dead, Jim. The only controversy now is whether simpleton died in Santa Barbara or Arizona, along with rumors of an assisted suicide.

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