[simpleton]

August 25, 1998

Found Objects

The first in an occasional series

[officerandrew cohen mugshot]

The editors of simpleton proudly present the first edition of "Found Objects," a series featuring materials from the vanishing offline world, presented with or without comment. This week, the story of officer Andrew Cohen, the San Francisco Police Department's phat mad lawman.

[headline hip hop cop raps to the beat of the tenderloin]

[subhead-lyrics express frustrations facing police]

[the community-oriented officer cohen raps about the innocence of children, and 
the DA who won't prosecute]

[

[cops identify with officer cohen's lyrics]

[officer cohen (pictured) shakes negative preconceptions about cops]

[officer cohen gets rappin backup from the funky fresh 5-0 crew]

[officer cohen's got his sound down]

This has been an excerpt from The Independent, San Francisco's largest home delivered circulation newspaper. For the complete story, contact the Independent's circulation office at 415 826 1100.

Officer Cohen's album, A Different Perspective, is available at San Francisco's Virgin Megastore (corner of Market and Stockton Streets). 25 percent of all proceeds will go to renovation of the children's playground at Boedekker Park. Look for the further adventures of Officer Cohen in future editions of simpleton.


Rap at simpleton.


Previously in simpleton:



August 21, 1998: What will we tell the children?
Straight talk about the Lewinski scandal
August 8, 1998: I Know a Good Joke...
Living on borrowed comedy
August 6, 1998: God Damn Liars:
Minor fibs are ruining this country
July 29, 1998: Mary Worth and Nothingness:
Existential comics



Visit the simpleton archive.

Don't miss these Calzone-brand special issues:


[clinton-starr transcripts]
The Clinton-Starr Transcripts:
Our biggest scoop

[walking tall]
Walking Tall:
An essay so incoherent I'm practically giving it all away!

[ebert]
Portrait of the Critic as a Young Artist:
simpleton's interview with Roger Ebert!

[seasick]
Seasick:
Suck.com's big cruise adventure!

[seasick2]
Seasick H2O:
The excruciating conclusion of Seasick!




And we invite you to sign up for the simpleton mailing list. This is not a spam list or discussion group. Your name and address will never be sold to telemarketers. Simpletonians subscribers receive a weekly announcement of new features and attractions, along with value-added commentary from the simpleton staff, which is not available anywhere else!

To get on the simpletonians mailing list:

1) Send email to majordomo@freedonia.com

2) Paste the following message into the message body of your email (erase all sig files and other message stuff - just put this message):

subscribe simpletonians

3) Press "Send" on your email.

Now you are subscribed to the simpletonians mailing list. If you have trouble following these instructions, email me and I'll add you to the list.


Next:

Our publicity database

http://www.simpleton.com