Jamuary 8, 1999

Propecious Occasion

A few specific types

It's about time our society showed some respect to balding pregnant women. It's bad enough these ladies have to suffer the pain of labor and the indignity of male pattern baldness. Don't we owe them an explanation of why they can't solve their problems with Propecia, and in fact can't even handle the broken Propecia tablets for fear of a specific type of birth defect? The ubiquitous advertising for Propecia provides no clue about what that specific type of birth defect might be. As a public service, we've singled out five possibilities. Pregnant women who choose to take Propecia despite doctor's warnings should consider themselves at risk of the following ailments: Propeciopiation Like the man in the Propecia commercial, your baby experiences a strange form of hallucination, seeing a balding, quizzical version of himself in all mirrors and reflective surfaces. Propecius legalis Your baby grows up to be a self-infatuated personal injury lawyer with unsightly facial hair. Propecirsutitude Uncontrollable hair growth turns your baby into an unrecognizable furball. Propeciafricanus Your baby develops a tenacious Noel Redding-style "white afro" (only Caucasian babies at risk). Punditecia Although unaffected by hair disorders, your baby fails to thrive or take nutrients due to a habit of making stale observations about public affairs. We can not claim to have compiled a comprehensive list. Some experts believe exposure to Propecia causes a marked enthusiasm for prescription health drugs, leading to endless renditions of the "Blue Skies" song from the Claritin commercials. Whatever the specific birth defect turns out to be, please be cautious during your pregnancy.

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