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January 25, 2002

Reader mail:
Volume 32

Dear Stuart, Hold your horses there, Stuart! I gather from that "humour" spelling that you are a subject of the Queen. But hey, that doesn't mean you've got flawless gaydar. You think I'm some kind of limpwristed tooty fruity? Guess again! I'm all man, as buff as a leather-clad parks policeman patrolling public grounds for lewd acts. Don't ask me where you got this idea that I'm some prancing popinjay waddling around on womanish hips. I'm chiseled! I've got grapefruit calves, tri's like square knots. My abs? Courtesy of John Basedow! And don't think I ignore the rest of "the package" either. I dare you to run your fingers down the well-defined canyon between my square pecs and still try to claim that I'm some mincing little cupcake who might wiggle his pinky and say "Come and get me, boys!" And if that doesn't convince you, wait 'til you get a load of me when I'm sporting my Magnum PI look, a personal favorite - wearing short shorts and a Hawaiian shirt and a Detroit Tigers cap, and tooling around in my Ferrari convertible with my male friend "Higgins." In short, Stuart, if you knew the kind of man I am, way deep down inside, you'd think twice before making your silly insinuations! yr pal, Tim

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