[simpleton]

February 22, 2010

Stronger harder more patriotic abs


[In books they ask what if history had gone the other way:]

[if the South had won, ]

[if Hitler had invaded Russia six weeks earlier...]

[They never have the courage to ask: ]

[what if Ronald Reagan starred in Double Indemnity]

[and Fred MacMurray became President?]

[The Gipper would have been great as a chump chewed up by a commanding woman.]

[And the Soviet Union would still exist.]

[DARPA would have a machine to make a girl love you as much as you love her.]

[They would not have given cats the vote;]

[they would not have let women in the NFL]

[(thanks a lot, President Stanwyck!);]

[the rovers would be on Venus;]

[your greenbacks would be worth something; ]

[we wouldn't get ripped off by insurance companies;]

[girls wouldn't act like sluts to get attention; ]

[and barrel-chested men would still wear hats.]

[We'd still have some standards.]

[That's why our group is fighting for the Roe v. Wade For Men Amendment.]

[We hope you will contribute,]

[and we can start to regain the rights we've lost,]

[like the right to have a bartender say,

[and you say,





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Previously in simpleton:

The moral theory of Photoshop
Telling the truth with malice aforethought
You can't break my heart
So don't even try
Punch A Truther
Good for you, good for America
The last gasp of print media
See if you can get it on the paper
WEEDŽ
Not just for longhairs anymore
What did you do in the chaotic unwind?
Something always survives creative destruction.
Why would anybody pull a trigger in San Francisco?
No people, no problem.
America Needs A HUG
A message from the Department of Hasty Uncomfortable Gestures


A century of simpletons in the simpleton archive.

An assortment of classics in the Compleat Simpleton.

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